Alone time

Because curiosity consumed her, she wanted to know his past without asking him. And now, she is drowning. 2 steps forward, 1 step back. Maybe he just need to grab her hand, pull her to him and tell her, "Everything will be alright."

Before she starts pushing people away again, save her.

Advantageous

Recently, i have come to senses, or rather i have accepted the fact that one will flock to people who are advantageous to him/her. I mean, this is what the world is like right and it's like a matter of course. If you can gain something out from that someone, why not?

Although it's not wrong and a matter of right, i can't bring myself to do that. Partially it's due to the lesson learnt in the past. Perhaps i just don't want to trouble the person out of courtesy.

I always have this thought that ran through my mind, "if you're capable, do it yourself."

Or, am i too strict to myself? Or do i have too high of an expectation for you?

"I've always think of and for you, couldn't you once think of and for me?"

I guess

Once again, I have a lot on mind tonight.

Where are my friends when I needed them? Why do I feel like something is stopping me from contacting them because I'm afraid they will make use of me and ultimately I will be the one getting hurt?

Am I ready for the working industry? The reason why I haven't been submitting resume is because I am afraid, but who knows? That tugging feeling, and that crazy speed my heart pumps whenever someone asks me "what are you doing now?" and "have you found a job?" is slowly killing me. I know I need to start looking for a job, even if my parents never say anything about me idling at home or working for ad-hoc events here and there. I know I know I know. But.......sigh.

Abrupt ending again, b'cos I really don't know how to continue writing any more.



..I'm not ready yet.

Will she?

"I don't believe in true love, until i have one." She said

"How would you know if he's your true love if you don't believe?" Her friend asked, feeling perplexed and curious.

"I will know, at that particular moment." She smiled genuinely.

Will she get there?

Learn

"But a day came where I woke up and realized I wanted to see them and talk to them not because I longed for them, but because they were people in my life who once meant everything. I say it often, but you cannot punish someone for not wanting you. You can’t shut someone out of your life and hate them because you are not the one that they chose. You can’t scold and ridicule and condemn. You have to accept and move forward and understand. You have to learn."

Hmm

分手後不要做朋友

刪掉你手機的訊息 清空你專屬的抽屜

如果可以的話 多想 從來沒認識過你

置身少了你的空景 何時不再觸景傷情

雨滴和淚滴 總是會混在一起

你愛我 你傷我 不算什麼

反正我 絕不說 我多難過

有你的我 沒有你的我 往後日子都得過

你內疚 你難受 別告訴我

免得我 又搞錯 當作承諾

諒解背後的顫抖 誰關心過

我不堅強 分手後不要做朋友

我不善良 不想看你牽她的手

該怎麼走 就怎麼走 

不必那麼努力演灑脫輕鬆

就算寂寞 分手也不要做朋友

就算宇宙 早就安排好這結果

你曾經牢牢地 在我生命裡附著

我要如何去假裝 我沒有愛過

—- 

終於不必為你掛心 終於多點愛給自己 

好過不好過 都已跟你沒關係 

你愛我 你傷我 不算什麼

反正我 絕不說 我多難過 

有你的我 沒有你的我 往後日子都得過

我太愛了 分手後做不了朋友

淚流乾了 還洗不掉那些溫柔

不要蹉跎 不要聯絡

就讓我安安靜靜走完以後

我忘不了 我們曾不只是朋友

從今以後 思念再走不到盡頭

你曾經緊緊的 把我擁在你懷中

我要如何去假裝 你沒有愛過

梁文音

Practice what you preach

"But you can't escape karma, Ever. It is what it is. It doesn't judge, it's neither good nor bad like most people think. It's the result of all actions, positive and negative - a constant balancing of events - cause and effect - tit for tat - reaping and sowing - what goes around comes around" He shrugs.

By JUSTIN VAUGHN

"We’ve all been there. And if you haven’t been there, you’ve seen it. The relationship is done, there’s nothing left for either party involved, but yet it continues on. Maybe they’re broken up and still hooking up occasionally. Maybe the girl no longer wants to be with the guy, but the second he’s gone she calls crying, and he puts his head down before begrudgingly returning to her. Maybe he’s been cheating with another guy, and his boyfriend knows, but he thinks there isn’t anyone better out there. We’ve all been in this place in some way, shape or form, and it’s horrible. Any sane, half-logical person will tell you that you should never put yourself in that position, and rightfully so. But, when the time comes to walk away from that person that you’ve put your entire heart and soul into, the person that’s made you happier than you ever thought possible, the person that knows all of your secrets, the person you think the world of, it’s so damn difficult to just turn around, walk away and never look back. And I don’t think you should.

You’re never going to find someone like that person again. You may find someone better, you may find someone worse, but you’ll definitely find someone different. And when someone makes you feel as good – and as bad – as they can, you should hold on to that for as long as possible. Happiness is an incredible feeling, and if someone takes you to the most extreme points of happiness when you’re with them, you shouldn’t let them go. Because for every stupid fight over nothing, there’s a late night car ride spent singing and dancing your heart outs. For every angry text sent saying, “I’m done.” There’s a good morning apology text that reminds you why you care so fucking much about them. Even if you can’t stand to look at them at times, and those times will come, you should still understand how happy they truly make you and hold onto that for as long as possible. We live in a world where everything we do is judged, so finding that one special person who looks at you without judgmental eyes, and thinks that you’re a great person, is someone that you should cherish for as long as possible.

You’ll regret a lot of the time spent with them after things have been damaged beyond repair, but you’ll also cherish those new memories made. Break-ups are the worst, but it’s so hard to go cold turkey from a person who took your breath away for the last year. It’ll hurt waking up next to them, and knowing they’re not yours anymore. You know what’s worse than that? Waking up alone. It will hurt knowing that they’ve given their heart to someone else. Guess what hurts more? Knowing they’ve taken back the part of their heart they gave to you. Moving on is difficult to do, but I’d rather move on progressively than in one swift act of heart-wrenching pain. So if that person you once wanted so much still wants you, and you still have a place in your heart for them, open it up. Maybe you’ll realize that all those feelings you had are gone, maybe you’ll understand that you need this person in your life, maybe you’ll confuse the shit out of yourself, but at least you won’t regret not taking one – or 12 – more chance to see things can still work.

It hurts knowing that things are over. Someone has to move on first, but it’s not easy for either of you. It sucks going through a heartbreaking experience, and going through it a few times over the course of a couple of weeks, or months, is emotionally draining, but there’s still so much to gain fighting for a love you once had. Even if you know that the love has almost completely evaporated, you shouldn’t let go of something until it breaks you. Screw playing it safe, falling in love is dangerous in the first place. If you’re going to play a dangerous game, you better be prepared to get hurt, and probably pretty badly. If you’ve been hurt once before, don’t be afraid to get hurt again, because the happiness they’ll make you feel in between is worth it.

Once it’s completely over, then it is time to let it go. If there are no mutual feelings, if there’s no respect, no trust, no care, then you have to be ready to say goodbye. Don’t put yourself in an abusive relationship where you’re being used. That’s wrong. But if you both have some remnants of past relationship, then embrace those feelings until you crush them. Hold on for one more kiss at 8 a.m. before they go to work, stay for that one last time they hold your hand on a roller coaster, and don’t walk away from someone that you once held so highly until you know it’s done.

But maybe I’m wrong"

Just too broken; beyond repair.

She

She has lost her clear mind because all feelings have scattered and went bonkers. She doesn't have a clue on what the future has in store for her because she has lost the path and the lamplights are switched off.

It's complete darkness that she can't even see herself. She can't move an inch, because there may be a pothole right in front of her. That leap forward may cause her to fall even deeper.

I'm back

Hi to my invisible readers,

I've finally come back to this space to type down my thoughts and life after such a long long disappearance. 2013 has been going great for me, and hope it stays like this throughout the year!

The exciting and memorable event thus far was my 21st birthday party which I had a blast with the retro theme!

Being a graduate with a Diploma of Events Management, I can't really organise my own party. Preparation was quite a chore. Thanks to my family, who was in charge of the venue and food, and friends who gave me their precious time and helping hands on the decorations as well as the being co-organisers during the party! Very grateful for them, my party wouldn't be so successful without them.

Oh well, I have much thoughts in mind that I want to type down but i do not know how to start. Guess I have to end this post abruptly...again.

Till then xx

Once in a while

Sum up the long disappearance on bonnyboxy!

SUO'12

Jolene's 21st

BBQ w OG

First time sitting inside a truck

Dealing with the charcoal for bbq

F1 with bigbro Andrew, secbro Amos and bigsis Andrea. I am Alexis.

Shopping spree after exams!

My not-ready face

SUO'12

Jolene's 21st

Waiting for the truck to come

Random school's OOTD

Snapsnap

F1 coincidental bump onto Jasmine

IntraSIM Champion 2012 - Freshbees!

Mimicking

Me

SWAG

OG

Wow, it's been a long long time since i last blogged. This week marks the second week of my two months holidays and yeah, have been lazing at home, shopping madness and running around on the field. University has been treating me well (i guess), apart from the stress-work-load and exams, one semester of my uni life has just went past in an blink of an eye.

I would not say 2012 is great, because at some point of time it weren't. But i have put all behind my back and thrown off my mind, too many things to ponder and worry about and those unhappy stuff couldn't fit into my mind any more. So, off they go. I do not know when will be the next time i blog, not really active online. Other than being online on facebook, i will be on funshion watching dramas. But, i will still keep this space alive if i can, because i really love bonnyboxy alot.

Laters!

Chalet 08sept'12

How retarded can they be?

Other than throwing and running, this was what we do... extended culture of SIM Ultimate Frisbee.

Love them to bits!

xx

Definitely; YOLO

Life is so much more than being miserable and be tortured by setbacks. One setback after another, headache problem arising once the previous one subsided. I'm starting to see things at a clearer view, perhaps is me being on the sidelines, or maybe I'm getting out of my comfort zone. "You don't need a million things to be happy, you just need that one and only." So what's that one thing? You (and I) will have to figure it out yourself (myself). Really beginning to appreciate little things in my life which makes so much significance than it seems. Getting to know a bunch of shit-stirrers definitely help alot. Although they can be so annoying at times (when they flood my whatsapp and stir my shit), they brought smiles and laughter to my life (up till now at least).

Ended my first few tests in RMIT, glad that they were over. Have to keep the quick pace in this new environment and definitely aiming higher.

xx

That's what i'm gonna do

Oh, seconds, hours, so many days You know what you want but how long can you wait? Every moment lasts forever When you feel you've lost your way And what if my chances were already gone I started believing that I could be wrong But you gave me one good reason To fight and never walk away So here I am still holding on

The wait will kill, but it's determined to be there, somewhere hidden in my mind. I will visit the fun-land, explore the funs, meet new people, talk smartly, think wittingly, make the best decisions along the way, no doubt it will be harder than it used to be. Accepting whatever comes forth, expecting the least as well as the worst. Maybe it will drift away, maybe it will stay for long because there's no boundary.

And who can foresee the future? Fate can.

xx

A pat on the shoulder

It was time to stop and take a breather for awhile. She had been walking and running nonstop and she's finally getting lethargic. Being the chaser, the runner, additional of the pull and push theory, worn her out completely. It isn't simple to have such high endurance limit during a race where neither of the parties are willing to give up.It's okay if she didn't get what she wants. It's okay if she lost. It's okay that everything ended up with unexpectedly adverse results. Because as long as she tried, and she knew she had done her best, and all of it will be derogated.

Love is an emotion that can be so powerful yet so vulnerable. It can send one high up on cloud nine, at the same time it can banish one to hell. Love isn't just liking or loving someone, it is much more than that. Trust is needed to be earned, and it doesn't appear magically. Letting go of something so dear, can be one form of love. Certainly, you would want that person to be happy, so what's the point of holding on when that person is struggling to breathe?

She has made up her mind.

Heart wrenching, yet relieved.

xx

Thoughts

"Ever had that moment with yourself when you know you need to let go of someone/something for the better of your life and you.. but you just can't. Not now. Not knowing when. If ever. If you even can. It's like, you know it has to change. You want to change and move on. But it's just not as simple as hitting delete and wiping out or reseting a moment or memory forever. Maybe the very reason why it's so hard to let go.. is because at that point in time, that person meant so much to you/that moment impacted you the most. But that moment is now gone. The feeling is different. Things have changed. People have changed. We ourselves have changed. Yet still, we're not ready to let go and move on. Hoping, hopelessly hoping. Lingering in that memory. Perhaps in the same way how "some things are/were meant to happen", there are some things and people in our lives, be it good or bad, that are not meant to be forgotten.. perhaps, the very reason why they even happened, was to teach us certain lessons or to understand certain meanings that we only start to realize now, or appreciate in retrospect. But the sad truth is, what's gone is gone and all we can do is reminisce on moments shared and feelings felt. Because what we still feel may not be what the other feels or even remember; and we can't possibly expect the other to feel the same or ever want to go back to that moment. They've moved on. We need to move on too. So here's goodbye to yesterdays and the ones I once knew.. thank you; I won't forget you."

Matthew Zachary Liu

For the ones who are enlisting

People who actually have given me care and concern throughout the years, very appreciative for having them around in my life. These are friends who you won't forget in your entire life.

xx

What about travelling light?

Life's really pretty like a mess now, not to be seen, but rather, all inside me.

A burden too immense to embrace and too heavy to carry,

it's engulfing my little soul and I can't seem to subsist.

xx

Monday afternoon

Popped by New Life Youth Hub which is newly opened this month and June (staff) was really nice introducing the amenities to us. There's a pool table (yes can train pool), huge jamming room, dance studio and study area.

Conversation between June and me went:

June: "So what are you currently doing now?"

Me: "Waiting to go university"

June: "Oh, i thought you're secondary 4!"

Another staff added: "I thought she (me) is secondary 2!"

All i could reply or react was giving them a smile. Okay, perhaps it was because i was wearing my secondary school camp tee.

But well i wonder if is it a good thing or a bad thing that i look younger than my age. Whatever it is, i believe the first impression of people comes from the way how people dress.

That's how important appearance is actually important in our daily life. Getting all dressed up for occasion is a form of respect to yourself and the other party. I'm sure no one will show up in tee and FBT shorts when attending someone's wedding...(in fact it doesn't really look good even when someone is wearing jeans to a wedding dinner.)

Okay but nonetheless...I'm still feeling a lil' sad.

xx